I am the second child of four, and I was fascinated as a teenager and in my early 20s by the writings around birth order. In one job I had a colleague who was also second of four children, boy, girl, girl, boy, same as my family, and despite the different age gaps between siblings and growing up in different places, with different cultures and family background, her stories about her siblings could have been mine, and vice versa.
Last year my middle child did a speech about being a middle child. She found a surprising amount of info about middle children, and much of it was applicable to me, and to her. Today, 12th August, is National Middle Child Day in the US.
With anything like this, it requires generalisations, and not all points apply to every person. It is important to note also that blended families are not well understood in the context of this model, but there may be parts that resonate, and it could be different at each parents house. In addition, a large age gap (7 years or more) between consecutive children is considered to reset the model, as there is less close sibling time. Some of the middle child feelings are more intense when the older sibling is the same gender, but the level at which things apply will be different for each person.
This post is specifically about middle children, but I will write more about eldest/only and youngest children so watch out for the posts in the next couple of days. Why is the post about middle children first? Because in life they often feel shunted around and don’t get to come first.
Here are some of the common themes for middle children:
They are the proverbial middle ground, so can be good at negotiating different viewpoints and creating compromises for other parties. This means they can be very diplomatic, but can also have doormat tendencies as they will keep the peace at all costs- particularly at the cost of their own wellbeing.
Middle children are highly adaptable, fitting in to different situations. They can be creative types, or love performing (and sometimes be quite dramatic themselves). They generally love people and make friends easily and attract others to them. In some situations they can also be quite rebellious- when being loving, and helpful means they are not seen, they may push back to get parental attention, and through to adulthood may live life on their own terms.
They love people, and can be social butterflies, used to having people around them. They can also be competitive or rebellious, particularly if they feel like they are not getting enough attention.
Let’s look at some remedies for these characteristics.
Carcinosin is a remedy for the middle child who may be anxious, they need to fit in and can be quite suppressed, particularly if they feel like others in the family are more important. Carcinosin has an excessive need for affection and they are very sensitive to reprimands, will often behave well to avoid this and be very upset if they are told off.
Pulsatilla is for the middle child with an underlying feeling of being forsaken and forgotten. Younger children can be quite clingy and tearful, older children and adults may instead try to do everything themselves because they don’t feel like they can ask for help. Pulsatilla are very caring about others though, and will do what they can to help. They have changeable symptoms, and can have changeable moods.
Phosphorus is a remedy for the social butterfly middle child. They are outgoing, love performing, and love people. Their friends are really important to them, and they worry a lot about their friends and may even change themselves, adjust their likes and dislikes in order to fit in. They can also be anxious, and will dislike being alone. Phosphorus can also become exhausted from too much activity and be sensitive to the moods of people.
Causticum middle children have a strong sense of justice. These are the children who will be pointing out why what their parent is doing is not fair, that their older sibling had it better, or their treatment is different. They can also push back against their parents and be quite rebellious.
Come back tomorrow to learn more about birth order, and homeopathy for youngest children!