Barbara Roberts, Homeopath

Is it time to find yourself again?

I see a lot of women and a lot of mothers in my clinic. Their stories are different, their physical complaints are diverse and their mental health varies widely. But there are trends in mental and emotional health that I notice, and quite apart from a homeopathic remedy these need addressing in some form. Often the right remedy will hold space for those changes to happen, but it is still something that needs addressing in our society as a whole. It is not just women, on a smaller scale I have seen this in men as well, but I do see it in more women than men.

This problem is apparent when I ask a few questions. Sometimes I don’t even need to answer them because it comes up earlier in the consultation. My questions are – what makes you happy? and, what are you doing for you?

Those are not necessarily the same thing.

I am a mum to 3 amazing children and sometimes I lose myself in them. They are no longer babies, my eldest is 12 and my youngest is 4. When they were little babies I was their entire world, and they were a huge part of mine. It is easy to lose yourself in that part of motherhood. I can still lose myself in my children, if all I am doing is focusing on them, their activities, their needs.

You don’t need to have children to lose yourself. Partners, other family (including but not limited to elderly parents or grandparents), and work or volunteering commitments are other things you can lose yourself in, or often a combination of all of the above.

Sometimes, because of all of the above, you may feel you no longer know who you are. Sometimes, when you feel you have lost who you are, you are not doing things that make you happy (or what used to make you happy has been replaced by stress). Sometimes you are not doing anything for you, and you may feel like you are not a person in your own right anymore, just someone’s wife, mother, or employee.

Homeopathy is a tool that can help here. Sometimes Homeopathy is a bit like magic, and seems to “fix” things. For some people the right remedy can make everything clear and change things. For others it eases the uppermost stress from physical or mental emotional conditions, and then lets you make changes for long term health. But if you do not address the cause then Homeopathy is just another bandaid.

Not all causes can be fixed, and these we call “maintaining causes”. If children are causing you stress the answer to that is not abandoning them (although it certainly would fix that maintaining cause). Even if you cannot fix the cause it is still important to find yourself again, whether that is adding things that bring you joy, taking time for yourself or something else.

When looking at these issues the Serenity Prayer, written by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, comes to my mind: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” From another point of view we are looking for balance- if one part of a boat is overbalanced it won’t float smoothly and may even take on water if the sea is too choppy.

If you are looking to find yourself, create a better balance or need help accepting what cannot be changed and finding the courage to make the changes you can, send me a message and make an appointment. Prioritise yourself.

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